Behavior in our Community
Behavior in our community
We are a very friendly, and I would even say very tactile, community. This is not usually a problem, except that we tend to permit a lot of non-consensual contact. We make assumptions about what is permitted based on what we see people around us doing. Again, this is not usually a problem, but it explodes in our faces when we suddenly discover that we have crossed a boundary that we did not know was there.
As such, there are some rules concerning boundaries in our community.
Always ask permission before touching someone or entering their personal space. This can be somewhat waived if you and that person have already negotiated the boundaries between you.
· Verbalize and enforce your boundaries.
· Be clear in stating your needed boundaries.
· Support anyone around you who is trying to enforce their boundaries.
· Accept the consequences of crossing a boundary.
Why are these rules so extreme? Communities learn in part by discussion, but largely by example. When we begin touching each other without negotiating, new people in the community get the idea that they can touch anyone and that everyone will enjoy it. If only one person enforces a boundary, that person may find himself alone when he raises an objection and everyone around him stares at him strangely. If boundaries are not consistently enforced across the community, some people may conveniently "forget" that a particular person reacts violently to being spanked.
If we want a consensual community, we must always work to create an atmosphere of consent.